October 27th, 2009
As I wander these crowded and desolate streets, impossibility makes me linger and wonder. Even though I've been here before, in reality or deja vu, I must have missed the compositioned warmth now demanding my respectful attention. At the crossroads of moving forward or away, my emotions sway on those chords of what could be, if I simply go. If I dismiss today's moment I will cripple the intentions of my creative spirit. And if I fail myself today, will not the plague of fear inherit those childlike dreams of tomorrow and every next year? So it is that this moments choice is not about deciphering the best direction towards the best destination, but knowing that each step and pause voices my feelings of belonging, and not hopeless abandonement.
My best guess is Sarajevo. Tomorrow's back alley will lead me farther east then the comforts existing over here. Nickels and dimes will be hard to come by and my identity will often be mute or comically basic as I learn Bosnian and adopt/marry into culture. In this journey I do have allies and friends who understand, but known it is the coming moments of gripping solitude. I trust I will cling to that threadbare vision and better known words of truth and affirmation coming from above and around. I can sense a growing quiet; a resilient calm regarding this coming season. I sense vision and revelation becoming friends in darkening Sarajevo.