Oct. 26th, 2008
Wether you believe in God or life or in yourself, all of us can look back at moments and seasons when we doubted...The existence of love, reality of peace, hopeful futures, a reason. In my life I have questioned much in reaction to the loss of family and friendships and those internal battles I cannot win. Too, my sense of 'Home' and where my heart needs to reside has brought me to tears.
At this moment I am still thousands of miles away from Bosnia. I have fallen out of favor with my church and sending organization and therefore, logistically, I am even further away then a year ago. But, my heart tells me that I'm just an overnight flight away from being there, serving there, loving there.
I think I have discovered God's unmarked path to a destined home. I don't need a wallet or a way out to make it there. My grandfather, Pete Talacki, has been telling me to 'go, just go and trust in God.' A God that inspired his father to work and minister to an immigrant community in Philadelphia and led him through WWII. So maybe it's just natural for me to follow this obscured, unmarked path back to Bosnia.
Nov. 1st, 2009
And so it begins. It's the first day of a new month signaling my first efforts to begin a new life in Bosnia. Outside my train window, excepting our present motion through tunnelled darkness, I see a part of Bosnia that is so reminiscient of home with it's Autumn shrouded forests (suma) and choreographed river valleys falling from mountain slopes. This is the romantic in me that values this enviroment as my wild garden of eden fit for adventure and dependent exploration. Then I realize landmines infest some of these beautiful hills. Life is explosive here.
I occupy my train booth with two older men who are 50 and 77. I am just a young boy again who wishes to be taken seriously in a mature world. I speak Bosnian like a 4 year old and I'm dependent on my dictionary like a mother. I struggle around a fragmented list of basic words to articulate how I feel and the spirit behind it. 'I am America. I want to live in Sarajevo.' And in that can these strangers realize the journey I've been on and the life I imagine? Today they cannot but I won't allow this frustration to cut my heart and stab my tongue. While learning to speak I will constantly address the personalities within me, declaring who I am. I am just a child but one who is loved and protected and belonging to a home. I will grow here and play here and respond instinctively to the opportunities and constraints awaiting me.